John School

Some tips and pointers for all of you who are just starting out.

When telephoning or e-mailing

Don't call or e-mail unless you are genuinely interested. Be respectful and friendly towards her and bear in mind that this is a business transaction. Stories concerning your incredible sexual prowess and elephantine manhood are unlikely to arouse her, as she has heard them all before. Bear in mind that if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, she won't see you.

Check how much she charges and what services are included. There is no reason to be overly-graphic, but there is a good reason to make sure that you know what is included and she is prepared to offer the services you are looking for. NEVER haggle over charges... if her prices are too high, then there is nothing wrong with saying that her price is beyond what you had in mind, thank her for her time and then move on. Politeness costs nothing.

Making smutty telephone calls or sending pornographic e-mails is not funny or clever... it is infantile and very annoying. You will not get the response you are seeking and will have to pay the call charges as well. If you're really into this kind of thing, call one of the sex lines displayed so prominently in the tabloid press; alternatively save your money and go and buy brown paper packages from your local Porno Shop.

When speaking to an agency, remember that they are supplying an introduction only. What the girl does or doesn't do on the date is up to her. So don't ask.

Preparation before the date...

Cleanliness

Have a shower - paying particular attention to washing your private parts - and clean your teeth... the chances of your date being a willing participant in erotic games with you is directly proportional to your level of personal hygiene. She is unlikely to let you kiss her if your breath smells like Mike Tyson's jockstrap... and she will not be overly enthusiastic about you fumbling around in her expensive lingerie if your finger-nails have the contents of a bag of Irish Moss Peat underneath them.

Have a shave - not many girls class a "sanding-down" by a glass-paper fizzog as foreplay.

Put on clean underwear... even if you're not risking being knocked down by a No.76 bus, your chances of re-living scenes from Nine and a Half Weeks will be severely reduced if she discovers that your underpants look like the London Transport Skid Pan.

Money

Have the payment ready in cash, unless otherwise agreed, and counted. You have already found out how much it is going to cost, so to spare both of you any embarrassment, make sure the amount is correct and place it in an envelope or separate from the rest of your money.

Alcohol

A G&T to help with your nerves, or a brandy to make you randy is OK. Ten pints of Witches' Brew is not a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant rather than a stimulant and although you may think that it improves your staying power, it is more likely to prevent you from reaching orgasm at all... and beer breath is a turn-off.

Together at last...

Conversation

Be courteous. Offer her a drink... engage in a little chit-chat, treat her like a lady. Don't grope her the moment that she walks through the door. You may be paying for her services, but a little respect will pay dividends later...

Detailed personal questions should be a no-go area. This girl is with you under a business arrangement, so don't expect her to tell you her life history or innermost secrets... Under no circumstances ask:
What does your boyfriend think about your work?
Do your parents know about your job?
How much money do you make?
Do you pay tax?
Why don't you marry a rich man and forget about this work? etc.

These are very personal and patronising questions, so don't do it unless you are looking for a very cool performance or equally embarrassing questions in return, like:-
What does your wife do for a living?
Do your children know that you go out with escorts?
Does your boss know you're here?
Have you ever thought about going on a diet?
Has anyone ever told you that boxer shorts don't suit you?

Payment

You should already have the money ready, so at a suitable moment hand her the envelope. Don't get the money out and count it into her hand like a checkout girl at your local supermarket... and don't try the old Paul Daniels sleight-of-hand routine and try and keep one back. Don't try and be a smart arse and ask if she accepts American Express and don't try a bit of last minute bartering... it's too late.